Welcome to the Newsletter for ChangeWorks Life Coaching
There is the pain of changing or the pain of not
changing...It's up to you
Written by: Maureen Fannin, LCSW
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What is in this issue?
1. Introduction: Preparing for the summer
2. What is New!
3. Coaching Topic: The Tao of socks
4. Quote of the Month
5. Shattering The Glass Ceiling Within- Saving your inner
6. Additional Quotes
7. Psychotherapy & Coaching Services
I love May! It provides the
opportunity to enjoy the out door weather and allows me the opportunity to open the windows and refresh the air in my
home. We have had some cool days here in Virginia giving some relief to the allergy season. I know we
are all making plans for the summer. We have the longer days to look forward to and the lawn mowing season.
Oh well, you have to take the good with the bad. All my neighbors are out scouting around their yards
making their plans for what to plant. This issue is about hearing our inner voice and creating positive flow in
our lives. Prepare for your summer with hope and enthusiasm!
2. What is New?
May 1 is my one year anniversary of being in my own practice. I am
wishing myself happy anniversary. It is important to mark important events in our lives. Thanks for sharing
this one with me.
3. Coaching Topic The Tao of
The condition of my sock drawer is often a good indicator of how well I'm
doing in the world. I don't mean to say that it indicates the state
of my whole being. I mean there only socks, right? Nevertheless, the condition of my sock drawer, as well as my children's
sock drawer, does have a certain "Zen like"connection to my life.
I don't know what it is about socks that are difficult for me. For one thing, they are small and seem to have no trouble getting lost
or mislaid. After a long day, there is great of appeal in taking
your socks off right where you are leaving them vulnerable to becoming separated from their perfect match.
Another sock management issue is that they are a great procrastination
item. They often are left behind in the laundry basket never making
it to their final destination of your drawers. There they sit on my
bed "I will come back for them" I tell myself. . But I do not come
back for them. As a result, they get left on the bed which leaves me the added burden
of every morning sifting through the various unmatched and disorganized sock pile.
Yes, I create my own problems.
Everyday I go through the frantic ritual of trying to find "the socks" for both my boys. After "the socks" are secured, together we put on "the
socks" and "the shoes" which is no easy feat with a two year old. The difficulty continues
since almost daily Owen removes his socks and shoes tossing them in the back of the van with
reckless abandon. I don't think he could keep his socks and shoes on to save his life. He thinks its funny and
seems to relish in my obvious displeasure and irritation. I am helpless as I watch my hard "sock" work going to
I am not always "sock impaired". There are days when my sock management is in "tip-top"
shape. Those are the good days. I go to my children's drawers and they all sit matched and folded
waiting to cuddle my children's tiny feet. It's a great feeling to
open the drawer and be able to take what I need. It's on those days
that I know my life is working well. I have multi tasked well and got all necessary chores done even down to
the last sock. It's a great feeling. I don't have to go rummaging through the laundry basket with one sock
searching desperately for its match or send my children to preschool with one sock that has a red
stripe and one sock that has a blue stripe. I hate those days since
it hits my "slacker mom" button.
I now know that mismatched socks and frantic searches for the
"socks" are signs that I am not taking good care of myself.
Perhaps you think I am taking the condition of my children's sock drawer too serious. But I
likethe feeling of satisfaction when I open their drawer and what I need is
there. I have taken good care of myself. I don't have to deal with my "slacker mom" syndrome, and I
have saved myself the stress of the ten minute sock search.
You wonder what's the point and why am I taking the time to write about my
"sock management" problems? Well, it's important to know
what makes the difference between those good days and those not
so good days. Consistency in
behavior is not always easy but it makes the difference between chaotic mornings and smooth sailing
mornings. Our environment gives us clues to what is not working well
and when we are letting things slide. When I am having those
hectic mornings running around looking for the missing sock, I know that I am not managing things well.
Chaotic mornings are a strong signal for me that I am not making my own life
easier. These signals range from the simple to the complex. Here is
a list of behaviors that indicate you are not taking the best care
- Eating too
- Drinking too
- Giving into workaholic
- Snapping at your children and/
or your spouse
- Spending too much money on
- Not managing your money
- Consistent and chronic
- Not setting appropriate
- Saying yes when you mean
- And, yes, not putting all your
laundry away socks and all!
- Take notice of the behaviors
that are signaling that you need to take better care of yourself.
- Make a plan that enhances the
positive flow in your life.
4. Quote: Motivation is what get your started. Habit is what keeps you going- Jim
5. Shattering The Glass Ceiling
Within- Save Your Inner Voice
This section of the newsletter is to support you on your journey to
overcoming underearning and develop to your fullest potential.
There is nothing worse
then the burden of
unfulfilled potential. Like the proverbial elephant in the living
room that sits making its presence known but is almost impossible to move. We know the potential is there, but cannot claim it. The world gives us tiny clues of our potential, and people around us
whisper our praises. Our past give us clues to our talents. There are the teachers and professors who helped us see the truth of
our intellect. Trophies, scholarships and ribbons provide
validation for our abilities. Yes, there was a time when we knew our
For many of us something changes as we grow into our life. Our potential somehow alludes us and we give way to some other voice
that is not our own. Somehow we become separated from our inner
self. One day we look at our trophies but think we can no longer
play. Psychology let's us know that many of the answers come from
early childhood and all the people we have met along the way. Somehow we are assigned life scripts that are
willingly accepted. But that inner voice is still there and at times it whispers to us if
we listen. The scripts, labels and syndromes that make up the
negative chatter in our brains are not permanent pathways. There
are new pathways to create.
The first step is to differentiate your inner voice from all the
negative external noise in your head. This is difficult for
many women since so much of our psychology
revolves around our relationship with others. Women often define
themselves in relationship to others. Therefore, it
may not always be easy to
differentiate our own inner voice from those we care about.
But with practice it can be done.
One way to begin this process is to pay attention to what you are
thinking and how you are feeling. Take a recent situation where you did not allow yourself the opportunity to succeed. It
can be as simple as you did not pay a bill on time or as complex you did
not apply for a job you
wanted. Reflect on what you said to yourself during these
experiences, and identify the outside voices.
Then examine your
feelings. There might a wide array of feelings.
It is the negative outer voices that leave us feeling inadequate,
fearful and anxious. Imagine that you ask these negative outer
voices to leave. Now listen to your
inner voice. What is that saying to you? How are you feeling? This is a good exercise to do when you are feeling stuck by your own
internal barriers that are preventing you from moving forward.
6. Quote: "Man's main task in life is to give
birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his effort is his own
personality." Erich Fromm, Man for Himself.
& Life Coaching Services
individual, couples and family therapy in my psychotherapy practice. I am
currently accepting clients in my Manassas office. Please contact me at
I also provide
individual and group coaching and conduct seminars and workshops. Please
contact me at ChangeWorks@braemarnet.com or visit my website at www.ChangeWrks.net. I am also accepting referrals for coaching.
Good Luck and have a great month! See you next time!
Maureen Fannin, LCSW