Welcome to the Newsletter for ChangeWorks Life Coaching
January, 2005- Happy New Year!
There is the pain of changing or the pain of not changing...It's up to
Written by: Maureen Fannin, LCSW
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What is in this issue?
Introduction: Happy New Year!
Shattering The Glass
Ceiling Within- The New Section.
I will be giving
a Workshop in February & March 2005 "Shattering The
Glass Ceiling Within" The
location will be in Vienna Virginia.
3. Coaching Topic: The Pivotal Moments of Change
of the Month
5. Shattering The Glass
Ceiling Within- Lessons From Dorothy
6. Additional Quotes
7. Psychotherapy & Coaching
Happy New Year everyone! I hope everyone had
a wonderful holiday season. The focus of this edition is that change can come in small packages and
being kind to yourself is necessary for success. I enjoyed writing the new section and I welcome any
comments. I am still in the process of building my new website. Acutally, Girl Geek Web Designs is building
it, but were working on it together to make the site helpful and interesting. I think this will be the last
change in my website for awhile!
Please keep the
vitims of the Tsunami is your thoughts. It was such a devastating tradegy and the amount of loss is
staggering. It is hard to imagine how the countries affected are coping with such a large scale
tragedy. I hope that if you have loved ones in that area they are safe.
2. What is New?
I will be giving my "Shattering The Glass Ceiling
Within" workshop this February and March. I will be using material from Barbara Stanney's workbook "Overcoming
Underearning" I think it will be a great addition to my workshop. Barbara has been doing these workshops
for years and has written two books Prince Charming Isn't Coming and Secrets of Six Figured
Women. She has been gracious enought to talk with me about her experiences and has provided
some coaching on the workshops. You can order these books on Amazon.com. It was her second book Secrets
of Six Figured Women that started my interest in Overcoming Underearning. They are both great reads and very
3. Coaching Topic
The Pivotal Moments of Change
Ahh! The New Year has finally
arrived. The hustle and bustle of the holidays are behind us and you have
probably had your time of reflection. It is now time to get on with
life. You might have discussed with your circle of friends
whether you will AGAIN try to make that New Years resolution of loosing weight a reality. If loosing weight is not what you desire, than it is some other goal you have
tried to accomplish. Countless times you may have asked yourself
what makes it so hard? Well, change is hard. We like the familiar and we like our food! It is not easy to be ucomfortable. It is also not
easy to continuously let yourself down year after year. This ongoing cycle
only serves to create negative feelings within you. Eventually
you have to decide which pain is worse. Is it the pain of changing or the
pain of not changing?
I watch a television show on Discovery
Health channel called "I lost It!" which showcases success stories of men and women who have lost a significant amount
of weight. I enjoy hearing about the process they went through to make
changes in their lives. Hearing the happiness and seeing the increase in
their self esteem is inspiring. There is one common element in all of
their stories. They all describe a pivotal moment or circumstance that
created the turning point for change. The pain of not changing became
unbearable. Sometimes it was a simple incident, and at other times, it was a traumatic or tragic
Another common element in all of the stories was
the countless times they tried to loose weight. They rarely succeeded the
first time. If they did succeed, it was usually short lived. I know when I finally quit smoking it was my fourth try. The first time I quit it was for a year. Then one day I decided to have just one cigarette. One cigarette seemed harmless enough after all I had gone through a whole
year of not smoking. Well, one cigarette led to many cigarettes and I was
back to my pack a day habit. I had to go through the process of
discovering that I could not have just one cigarette. Quitting smoking was
a process that took time. What was the pivotal moment for me? I think there were many pivotal moments. Then finally, I made the connection that smoking was simply that not
smoking. Seems simple enough, right?
Well, it took four times of quitting, starting and stopping, and many cigarettes in between before the process
of quitting was complete.
These pivotal moments may not always come when we
want them. You may not be ready when the New Year arrives. This year, rather than "beating yourself up" for not fulfilling another
New Years resolution, explore where you are in the change process. Are
you still contemplating or are you preparing for action? Perhaps you
have made some connections and you now realize it is time for change.
The important thing to remember is that life is long. All those
previously failed attempts provide knowledge and are part of the process. Life is a marathon and even small changes can lead to bigger
ones. Sometimes just making minor realistic changes can lead to great
things. Identify your goals and make small manageable changes to
accomplish them. Sometimes even keeping a small promise to yourself
will give you the courage to make more changes. It will
also increase the good feelings you have about yourself, and that is what we all want for the New Year.
Here are exercises to complete in helping you make positive changes for the
1. Write down your resolution(s) or goals for the New Year. Take piece of
paper and make 2 columns giving one the heading-
The Pain of changing
and other heading The Pain of Not
Changing. Spend time exploring which is
greater for you.
2. Evaluate previous resolutions.
What did you learn about yourself during
previous attempts? What will be different this time?
3. Explore where you are in the change process. Are you still contemplating?
Have you adequately prepared a plan for the changes
you want to make?
Are you ready for action?
4. Make a list of small manageable steps related to the change you want to
Incorporate them into your daily life.
5. Get support! This can make
the difference between success and failure.
You need support when you are making difficult
changes. Support can also
provide the accountability you need to keep you
6. Make a commitment that you will not "beat yourself up" if the New
does not bring all you intended. Remember change is a process that takes
4. Quote of The
Month- "It's not that some people have will power and some don't. It's that some people are
ready to change and other are not". James Gordon, MD
5. Shattering The Glass Ceiling Within-Lessons from
Welcome to the first issue with the new section
Shattering The Glass Ceiling Within . This new section
will work toward empowering women to make positive changes in their financial and emotional lives. I wanted to write about overcoming underearning since this is at the
heart of my workshop Shattering The Glass Ceiling Within. Though when I sat with my two children to watch the Wizard of
Oz, the topic for the new section was clear. I wanted to write
about Dorothy. I saw Dorothy in a way I never had before. I watched this classic tale as a child anticipating Dorothy
opening the door of her house seeing the Land of Oz lying before her. I
could not wait to see the first appearance of the green wicked witch.
She was terrifying and yet I could not keep my eyes off her. Even
the flying monkeys seemed to get better billing, and who could forget when the Tin Man does his gravity defying lean
from side to side. There were
many delights in this movie, but the character of Dorothy was
always in the background.
I remember the character of
Dorothy as being the vulnerable Judy Garland singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" wanting to be in that special
place without worries or cares. She sang that beautiful song in her
black and white world wearing a blue farm girl dress and long brown curls.
The song was incredible and I could relate to every word, but not to Dorothy herself . The other characters seemed more memorable and made a greater impression,
but not this time. I saw for the first time how strong Dorothy
was venturing into this unknown and sometimes terrifying land.
Dorothy believed in what she was
doing. She did not let fear, wicked witches or flying monkeys stand in
her way. Dorothy also made positive choices listening to her inner
voice while traveling down the yellow brick road. Dorothy was quite
resourceful in finding friends to support her on the journey to the Emerald City. She was able to navigate herself home despite her youthfulness and
vulnerable femininity. She was compassionate and able to think of others as she sought her way. Her assertiveness was astounding as she approaches this fiery bald
man, called the wizard, surrounded by fire and who spoke with such authority it was like talking to some Greek
God. She politely asked that the Wizard to keep his promise and grant
them their wishes. If we could all be that clam!
Yes, the Wizard of Oz holds a lot
of wisdom regarding the empowerment of women. The movie gives us the
knowledge that we all have a pair of ruby slippers and we just need to use them. It might not be as easy as clicking three times, but like Dorothy, the
journey provides us with answers if we listen to our inner voice, choose well, get support, assert ourselves, and
act despite our fear. Remember the final verse in the song "Somewhere
Over The Rainbow", If Birds fly over the rainbow. Why then oh why
- Is there anything that you can learn from Dorothy to help you obtain
2 . How do you let fear stop you from getting what you want?
a list and
explore ways you can act despite the fear
- Make a list of the choices you have made recently in your life. Do they support your values?
- Spend this New Year listening to your inner voice. Find ways to explore your own voice. Writing in a journal is a great place to start.
5. Make a list of the people that
support you and nourish your spirit. Spend the year nurturing those
friendships. Remember women grow in connection with others.
6. Additional Quotes- "Be a first rate version
of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else." Judy Garland
7. Psychotherapy & Life Coaching
I provide individual, couples and family therapy in my
psychotherapy practice. I am currently accepting clients in my Manassas
office. Please contact me at 703-626-0381.
I also provide
individual and group coaching and conduct seminars and workshops. Please
contact me at ChangeWorks@braemarnet.com or visit my website at www.ChangeWrks.net. I am also accepting referrals for coaching.
Good Luck and have a great month!
See you next time!
Maureen Fannin, LCSW