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Welcome to the Newsletter for ChangeWorks Life Coaching 

January, 2005- Happy New Year!

There is the pain of changing or the pain of not changing...It's up to you

Written by: Maureen Fannin, LCSW

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What is in this issue?

1.  Introduction:  Happy New Year!

2.  What is New! 

     Shattering The Glass Ceiling Within- The New Section.

     I will be giving a Workshop in February & March 2005 "Shattering The

    Glass Ceiling Within"  The location will be in Vienna Virginia.    

    Details will follow!

3.   Coaching Topic: The Pivotal Moments of Change

4. Quote of the Month

5. Shattering The Glass Ceiling Within- Lessons From Dorothy

6. Additional Quotes

7. Psychotherapy & Coaching Services

 

1.  Introduction: 

 

      Happy New Year everyone!  I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season.  The focus of this edition is that change can come in small packages and being kind to yourself is necessary for success.  I enjoyed writing the new section and I welcome any comments.  I am still in the process of building my new website.  Acutally, Girl Geek Web Designs is building it, but were working on it together to make the site helpful and interesting.  I think this will be the last change in my website for awhile!

 

Please keep the vitims of the Tsunami is your thoughts.  It was such a devastating tradegy and the amount of loss is staggering.  It is hard to imagine how the countries affected are coping with such a large scale  tragedy.  I hope that if you have loved ones in that area they are safe. 

 

2.  What is New?

 

      I will be giving my "Shattering The Glass Ceiling Within" workshop this February and March.  I will be using material from Barbara Stanney's workbook "Overcoming Underearning"  I think it will be a great addition to my workshop.  Barbara has been doing these workshops for years and has written two books Prince Charming Isn't Coming and Secrets of Six Figured Women.   She has been gracious enought to talk with me about her experiences and has provided some coaching on the workshops.   You can order these books on Amazon.com.  It was her second book Secrets of Six Figured Women that started my interest in Overcoming Underearning.  They are both great reads and very inspiring!

 

 

3. Coaching Topic The Pivotal Moments of Change

      Ahh! The New Year has finally arrived.  The hustle and bustle of the holidays are behind us and you have probably had your time of reflection.  It is now time to get on with life.    You might have discussed with your circle of friends whether you will AGAIN try to make that New Years resolution of loosing weight a reality.  If loosing weight is not what you desire, than it is some other goal you have tried to accomplish.   Countless times you may have asked yourself what makes it so hard?  Well, change is hard.  We like the familiar and we like our food!  It is not easy to be ucomfortable.  It is also not easy to continuously let yourself down year after year.  This ongoing cycle only serves to create negative feelings within you.   Eventually you have to decide which pain is worse.  Is it the pain of changing or the pain of not changing?

 

 

        I watch a television show on Discovery Health channel called "I lost It!" which showcases success stories of men and women who have lost a significant amount of weight.  I enjoy hearing about the process they went through to make changes in their lives.  Hearing the happiness and seeing the increase in their self esteem is inspiring.  There is one common element in all of their stories.  They all describe a pivotal moment or circumstance that created the turning point for change.  The pain of not changing became unbearable. Sometimes it was a simple incident, and at other times, it was a traumatic or tragic event.

 

      Another common element in all of the stories was the countless times they tried to loose weight.  They rarely succeeded the first time.  If they did succeed, it was usually short lived.  I know when I finally quit smoking it was my fourth try.  The first time I quit it was for a year.  Then one day I decided to have just one cigarette.  One cigarette seemed harmless enough after all I had gone through a whole year of not smoking.  Well, one cigarette led to many cigarettes and I was back to my pack a day habit.  I had to go through the process of discovering that I could not have just one cigarette.  Quitting smoking was a process that took time.  What was the pivotal moment for me?  I think there were many pivotal moments.  Then finally, I made the connection that smoking was simply that not smoking.  Seems simple enough, right?  Well, it took four times of quitting, starting and stopping, and many cigarettes in between before the process of quitting was complete.  

 

     These pivotal moments may not always come when we want them.  You may not be ready when the New Year arrives.  This year, rather than "beating yourself up" for not fulfilling another New Years resolution, explore where you are in the change process.  Are you still contemplating or are you preparing for action?  Perhaps you have made some connections and you now realize it is time for change.  The important thing to remember is that life is long.  All those previously failed attempts provide knowledge and are part of the process.   Life is a marathon and even small changes can lead to bigger ones.  Sometimes just making minor realistic changes can lead to great things.   Identify your goals and make small manageable changes to accomplish them.  Sometimes even keeping a small promise to yourself will give you the courage to make more changes.    It will also increase the good feelings you have about yourself, and that is what we all want for the New Year. 

 

ACTION ITEMS

 

Here are exercises to complete in helping you make positive changes for the New Year.

 

1.  Write down your resolution(s) or goals for the New Year.  Take piece of

     paper and make 2 columns giving one the heading- The Pain of changing    

     and other heading The Pain of Not Changing. Spend time exploring which is

     greater for you.  

 

2.  Evaluate previous resolutions.  What did you learn about yourself during

     previous attempts?  What will be different this time?

 

3.  Explore where you are in the change process.  Are you still contemplating? 

     Have you adequately prepared a plan for the changes you want to make? 

    Are you ready for action?

 

4.  Make a list of small manageable steps related to the change you want to

     make.  Incorporate them into your daily life.

 

5.  Get support!  This can make the difference between success and failure. 

     You need support when you are making difficult changes.  Support can also

     provide the accountability you need to keep you on track. 

 

6.  Make a commitment that you will not "beat yourself up" if the New Year    

     does not bring all you intended.  Remember change is a process that takes

     time. 

 

4.  Quote of The Month- "It's not that some people have will power and some don't.  It's that some people are ready to change and other are not".  James Gordon, MD

 

 

5. Shattering The Glass Ceiling Within-Lessons from Dorothy

 

     Welcome to the first issue with the new section Shattering The Glass Ceiling Within .  This new section will work toward empowering women to make positive changes in their financial and emotional lives.   I wanted to write about overcoming underearning since this is at the heart of my workshop Shattering The Glass Ceiling Within.   Though when I sat with my two children to watch the Wizard of Oz,  the topic for the new section was clear.  I wanted to write about Dorothy.  I saw Dorothy in a way I never had before.   I  watched this classic tale as a child anticipating Dorothy opening the door of her house seeing the Land of Oz lying before her.  I could not wait to see the first appearance of the green wicked witch.  She was terrifying and yet I could not keep my eyes off her.  Even the flying monkeys seemed to get better billing, and who could forget when the Tin Man does his gravity defying lean from side to side.  There were  many  delights in this movie, but the character of Dorothy was always in the background.

 

        I remember the character of Dorothy as being the vulnerable Judy Garland singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" wanting to be in that special place without worries or cares.  She sang that beautiful song in her black and white world wearing a blue farm girl dress and long brown curls.  The song was incredible and I could relate to every word, but not to Dorothy herself .  The other characters seemed more memorable and made a greater impression, but not this time.  I saw for the first time how strong Dorothy was venturing into this unknown and sometimes terrifying land. 

 

        Dorothy believed in what she was doing.  She did not let fear, wicked witches or flying monkeys stand in her way.  Dorothy also made positive choices listening to her inner voice while traveling down the yellow brick road.  Dorothy was quite resourceful in finding friends to support her on the journey to the Emerald City.   She was able to navigate herself home despite her youthfulness and vulnerable femininity. She was compassionate and able to think of others as she sought her way.    Her assertiveness was astounding as she approaches this fiery bald man, called the wizard, surrounded by fire and who spoke with such authority it was like talking to some Greek God.  She politely asked that the Wizard to keep his promise and grant them their wishes.  If we could all be that  clam!

 

        Yes, the Wizard of Oz holds a lot of wisdom regarding the empowerment of women.  The movie gives us the knowledge that we all have a pair of ruby slippers and we just need to use them.  It might not be as easy as clicking three times, but like Dorothy, the journey provides us with answers if we listen to our inner voice, choose well, get support, assert ourselves, and act despite our fear.  Remember the final verse in the song "Somewhere Over The Rainbow", If Birds fly over the rainbow.  Why then oh why can't I.

 

Action Items

 

  1. Is there anything that you can learn from Dorothy to help you obtain your goals?

    2 .  How do you let fear stop you from getting what you want? 

          Make  a list and explore ways you can act despite the fear you

          feel.

 

  1. Make a list of the choices you have made recently in your life.  Do they support your values?

 

  1. Spend this New Year listening to your inner voice.  Find ways to explore your own voice.  Writing in a journal is a great place to start.

 

5.      Make a list of the people that support you and nourish your spirit.  Spend the year nurturing those friendships.  Remember women grow in connection with others.

 

6. Additional Quotes- "Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else." Judy Garland

 

7.  Psychotherapy & Life Coaching Services

 

 

I provide individual, couples and family therapy in my psychotherapy practice.  I am currently accepting clients in my Manassas office.  Please contact me at 703-626-0381.

 

I also provide individual and group coaching and conduct seminars and workshops.  Please contact me at ChangeWorks@braemarnet.com or visit my website at www.ChangeWrks.net.  I am also accepting referrals for coaching.

 

Good Luck and have a great month!  See you next time!

 

Maureen Fannin, LCSW


ChangeWorks Psychotherapy & Life Coaching Services 9315 Center Street Suite 204 Manassas, VA. 20110 Phone: (703)626-0381 E-Mail Changeworks@braemarnet.com


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