Welcome to the Newsletter for ChangeWorks Life Coaching
There is the pain of changing or the pain of not changing...It's up to
Written by: Maureen Fannin, LCSW
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What is in this issue?
1. Introduction: Happy
2. What is New!
3. Coaching Topic: Love Is A Verb
4. Quote of the Month
5. Shattering The Glass Ceiling Within- Are You
6. Additional Quotes
7. Psychotherapy & Coaching Services
Day everyone! We finally got some snow here in Virginia. Now we just have the long wait til
Spring. Phil the groundhog saw his shadow so there will be six more weeks of Winter. But there are good
things about Winter. Hot Chocolate to drink and warm fires in the fireplace. Hope you enjoy the
Please keep the victims of the Tsunami is your thoughts. It was such
a devastating tradegy and the amount of loss is staggering. It is hard to imagine how the countries affected are
coping with such a large scale tragedy. I hope that if you have loved ones in that area they are
2. What is New?
My new website is up! There is just a few more things to complete. I
have a bookstore on my site and a discussion group. There are some wonderful books that I recommend on the
site. Check them out! Let me know what you think of the site.
3. Coaching Topic Love Is A
I was listening to the Diane Rheam show on National Public Radio several
weeks ago. The name of the guest escapes me, but he did say something noteworthy. He stated that
the words “ I love you” were one of the greatest lies of the 20th century right along with “The checks in the
mail”. Sound cynical? Well, he continued to make the point that what
we say does not always match what we do. It’s not that we intend to
lie but we sometimes treat each other in ways that do not equal the words “I love you”
Love is a verb. It is
an action word. It requires movement to allow its full
expression. Can we love passively? Loving passively implies holding back or keeping quiet. We can probably all describe a relationship in our lives where love
was expressed passively. How did
it feel? It most likely didn’t feel very good. Passive love is confusing and keeps us constantly guessing. We find ourselves wondering “Do they really care?” Love is the nourishment of our souls. Love in its expressive form keeps us feeling well fed and healthy. Children are the best example of seeing the affect of active love. They beam with delight when they are given attention and affection. The reaction is instant.
Children give and receive love freely and easily. Adults have a
more difficult time with expressing and receiving love. We build
strong defenses that can keeps us in a passive stance unable to express what we feel.
Valentine’ Day and other holidays provide a
safe way of expressing our feelings. It is a day where passivity is not
allowed and the expression of love in the norm. Why can’t every day be
like be like Valentines day? It is hard to keep up that kind of
intensity. It is not realistic to have romantic dinners every night
and poetry waiting for us in the morning on our pillows. But we can
improve love behaviors.
There is a book called
The Language Of Love, which is an excellent
book written about the different ways love is expressed. Everyone has
there language of love. Some may express their love by doing for
others. Others may express their love more affectionately with lots of
hugs and kisses. The key is to have an understanding of your partners
language of love. This applies not only to romantic relationships but
parental or other significant relationships. The one common element in
all the languages of love is that there is always a verb involved.
1. Explore how you
express your love to significant people in your life. Is there a verb
2. How are you likely to express your feeling? (doing, verbal
3. Recognize how the significant others in your life express
their love to you.
4. Make a list of how you can more actively express your
Quote of The Month- "To Love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides" David
5. Shattering The Glass Ceiling Within- Are You
Are you earning what you are
worth? How easy or difficult was it to answer that question? This question often incites an array of emotions from women. Some may become angry feeling that a persons worth in not measured in
dollars. Others can clearly say yes or no, and many are not
sure. Money cannot buy happiness or self worth. But it can provide quality of life, adequate healthcare, comfortable
retirement, food and clothes for our children and a comfortable lifestyle. It is important to earn what you are worth! According to the U.S Department of Labor, women working full-time,
year-round, earn 72% of what men earn. The median annual earnings
of private sector workers participating in a 401 (K) plan in 1993 was $36, 400 for men and only $23, 920 for
women. The reasons for women earning less are complex and range
from societal issues as the glass ceiling to personal issues that are different for each woman. Underearning could also be the culprit behind your lack of financial
Underearning is a chronic pattern of earning below
your potential. The term underearning was first coined by
Jerald's Munids in his book "Earn What You deserve" He defined underearning as "one who makes
less than is needed or desired, for no apparent reason, despite efforts to do otherwise." Underearning is not
voluntary simplicity which is a conscious choice to live on less in order to create a simpler, saner
life. Underearning is when an individual is earning below their
What can be done about
underearning? Changing the patterns that lead to underearning
requires a shift in thinking and a willingness to be uncomfortable.
It may require facing fears and changing beliefs that are no longer serving you. This is the inner work of wealth. Anyone can do the outer work of wealth as taking a marketing class
or learn a new negotiation strategy, but if your internal fears keep you from acting on these techniques,
then the outer work becomes counter productive. Spend some time
answering the following questions to begin your own inner work.
Remember we are only limited by our own beliefs.
1. What emotions do I feel when I am
actively engaged in doing financial matters?
2. Is what I am earning meeting my
financial and personal needs?
3. What are my beliefs about earning
more income? (ex. Would have to work too hard, my profession pays poorly)
What is behind my wish to earn more?
How would my life improve? Or not improve?
6. Additional Quotes: " I worked for a menial's hire, only to learn
dismayed, That any wage I had asked of Life, Life would have willingly paid." Jessie B.
7. Psychotherapy & Life Coaching
individual, couples and family therapy in my psychotherapy practice. I am
currently accepting clients in my Manassas office. Please contact me at
I also provide
individual and group coaching and conduct seminars and workshops. Please
contact me at ChangeWorks@braemarnet.com or visit my website at www.ChangeWrks.net. I am also accepting referrals for coaching.
Good Luck and have a great month! See you next time!
Maureen Fannin, LCSW